Meet My Desk: Celty

You thought I'd run out of these, hadn't you?

You'd be right.  I had.

However!  My little technological family expanded recently, so I'd like to introduce you all to my new Windows Surface tablet, Celty.

Celty was originally called Shizuo, mostly due to the fact that I'm unsure if it comes under the heading of laptop or tablet--most larger technical items are male, small ones like Lydia and Lucy are (surprise surprise) female.  But after using her for a while, I've concluded that she's female, thus necessitating a name change.  (I'll admit here that I couldn't actually tell you why she's female, she just... feels it, so female she now is.  Hey, I never claimed to be entirely sane, did I?  ...did I?)

I recommend DRRR!!, even if you're not normally a fan of anime.

As to why 'Celty', well... that's quite a hard one to explain, but let's just say she makes an admirable headless horsewoman, she's silent to run (but no occasional neighing or hoofsteps unless I start modifying the sounds) and she's very fast for typing on.  She can certainly stand up for herself, as can the tablet as it has one built in (hey, I never claimed to be a pun master).  Whether she emanates a shadowy substance... well, perhaps that depends on your opinion of Microsoft.

It's been an interesting experience trying to get the hang of Windows 8.1 RT, especially since it's already quite different to the version of Windows RT that comes preinstalled but I'm starting to get used to it now... I think.

The biggest surprise has been, of all things, how easy it is to type with the on-screen keyboard, I wasn't expecting to be able to reach the kind of speeds I do although I'm not sure how it'd be to use with longer nails.  Probably a little problematic, like Lydia the Nexus.  However, the touch keyboard is nice too, albeit a little odd--and yet I'm not sure how it is, because it's only like typing on the screen, but I suspect I keep expecting it to feel like an actual, physical keyboard like Sixteen's, rather than for it to be flat.

I'm looking forward to getting to know her better, but I think it's already been a pretty good meeting so far.

Even if I have already discovered my new procrastination fuel in the form of Taptiles.

Still, can't be all work, can it?

I Had An Epiphany (but don't worry, I cleaned up afterwards)

I did say that I expected to get over my disappointment in myself and my story.  It just took a little longer than I expected.

Well, no, that's not entirely the case.  It's still there, chewing away at my heart.  But I remembered something important.

I'm not intending to show anyone this story so that feeling can sod right off.  Following on from one of the posts I linked to before, it's my story and I'll write what I damn well like, even if it is atrocious.  I can always edit later, I can pretty it up and fix the awkward phrasing.

But I can't do any of that if I don't finish it.

And on that note, since no one else is going to see it, I realised something else--I don't have to censor myself as much as I have.  I'm not sure why I was, honestly.  Some peculiar in-built sense of... decorum?  Gods only know.  But it's quite liberating to know I can now go back to some earlier scenes and make them smuttier.

Or, as I referred to it on Twitter earlier, "racier" (a sure sign I'm getting old).

What brought about this little revelation, other than moping around and whinging for a couple of days?  Nothing complicated, just that after changing my icon I wanted a new background for my Twitter page, so I decided to make a more relevant one using my main character, Kirill.  After I'd finished working on it and loaded it, I thought he looked lonely, so I reworked it to include Niko, Kir's love interest.  Working on that and thinking about their relationship gave me the kick up the arse I needed to miss writing them.

Bit of an odd thing to drag me to my senses, I guess.  Well, it was that and the sex scenes I won't be able to write if I don't get cracking, because it turns out that Niko has taken quite a liking to Kir...

Anyway, isn't the point to have fun, above anything else?  I'm not going to let someone else spoil or take away my fun--especially not when in the future it gets to involve some light bondage and ridiculously cute conversations smack in the middle of sex...

*fans self*

If you'll excuse me, I've got a project to finish.

Don't Let Accusatory 'Advice' Put You Off, Editing Exists For A Reason

On Friday, having reached my unofficial word count target for the day, I was faffing around (yes that is a technical term) on Twitter when out of idle curiosity I clicked on one of the many 'advice for writers' tweets that crop up on my timeline.  I mean, it's always good to learn, right?

Except it wasn't advice, per se.  The general tone of it was more along the lines of "if you do this, then you are an appalling writer and should stop bothering everyone right now".

I looked at that post.  And then I looked at my WIP, which for a few different reasons--most notably that chunks of it were quite hard to write and sometimes writing anything is better than writing nothing--has a few examples of that post in it, and my first and overwhelming thought was: "so I'm wasting my time writing this shit.  I should never be allowed near a keyboard again."

I stared at the WIP that until then I'd actually enjoyed working on and was quite looking forward to writing two characters meeting for the first time, and I stared at it for a bit longer...  and then I closed it, watched most of an episode of Being Human (the one where Annie and George rescue Mitchell from the funeral parlour, if you're interested*) and went to bed feeling like I should spend the next day trying to find something else to do for a hobby.

Considering that I have the attention span of a mayfly I'd hoped, just a little, that when I woke up the next morning I'd have forgotten how I felt and could get on with writing.  Except that I couldn't.  I prodded the keys for a bit and thought, "stop wasting your time," and opened Chrome instead.  After all, I've done NaNoWriMo for ten years now and I've never finished any of those, so what's one more unfinished piece of shite that won't ever see the light of day?

While I was faffing (still a technical term) on Twitter I saw two tweets linking to blog posts come up in quick succession.  One was Clare Davidson's Writing Without Compromise which, although not directly relating to how I felt, is a fantastic post about how sticking to what you want to write is much better for your sanity than trying to write what you think someone else expects of you.  The other was one of Steve Poling's excellent advice posts (the one that caught my eye was about Cardboard Cutout characters), which mix in humour and anecdotes with their food for thought.  More importantly, his advice is never accusatory or makes you feel worthless; if anything, it inspires you to try new ideas or things you might not have thought of.

Something that crops up on my Twitter timeline now and again is the paraphrased quote attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent".  Stupidly, I gave that article consent and I suspect it'll probably be a while before I can look at my WIP and my plan and not feel the urge to cry.

Don't make the mistake I did.  Different approaches are for different people and if you find 'advice' that's more interested in making you feel bad than inspiring you to improve, ignore it.  Mentally tell the author exactly what you think of them.  Close the page.  Just don't give it permission to put you off.  Even if, like me, you write for fun not profit, because the characters in your head are restless and writing calms them down, and the finished result isn't ever likely to be seen by anyone...

Everyone can improve, yes, but there is a reason editing exists.  Write as badly as you want in your first draft, so long as you write--you can't improve on nonexistence.  And don't hurt yourself reading anything that rubbishes your work and takes away your enjoyment of writing for a smidge of advice.

You're worth a lot more than that.

_______________________________________________
* Favourite quote: "Who wants some of my chair?!" as said by George, brandishing one at a vampire.  Perhaps that's what I should've yelled at that post and just got on with writing, eh?

I'm Due That Kick, Consider It A Present

Last week I talked about how we're all allowed to write crap, and in fact writing crap is preferable to writing nothing.

I also--foolishly in hindsight--said that if I hadn't written 5,000 words or more in a week, said people were free to hunt me down and give me a kick.  (Please don't kick me too hard.)

I wrote around 1,200 words, and then started replaying Dragon Age 2.  I have edited several lines several times however (yes I know...), and at least did make a couple of things a bit clearer.  My main character is not in the best situation ever at this point in the story and my brain, my fingers or my heart (I'm not sure which, it might be all three) is/are rebelling at what is going to happen.

Kirill's life is about to become difficult and although things will get better afterwards, I'm stuck at my last line: "Everything was as it should be."  Something in my head illogically insists that if I leave it there, the bad stuff won't happen.  Of course, if I leave it there the good stuff won't happen either and my main character will be trapped in an awful limbo, believing something terrible has happened to the man he's fallen in love with without anything ever being proved or disproved.

Which, I think we can all agree, is a Bad Thing.

And, although I have no direct evidence to show for it, I'm starting to feel more confident in the relationship between Kirill and Niko.  An important part to my characters for me--although it may sound a bit odd--is how they interact in my head when I'm not thinking much about them; for instance, Alex and Milos have a near-constant stream of bickering that occasionally leads to sex that crops up at the strangest times.  For quite a while I'd had absolutely nothing from Kirill and Niko, which was concerning.  And then I accidentally wrote fluffy almost-smut based on nothing more than a scene prompt and realised that actually they do get along.  And then an actual sex-scene occurred in my head--I've not gotten around to writing it down yet--and suddenly I'm feeling a lot happier about the whole thing.

But at least my Dragon Age replay has been going quite well...  In some ways I can consider it research, because at some point last year I started hearing my character Alex's voice as Gideon Emery's (the voice of Fenris).  Make it slightly softer and more Midlands-English and it's a perfect fit for him, so I'm topping up my memories.

See?  It's not all bad.

(As an aside, I'm 30 today.  So at least for today I hope I have an excuse for not writing!)

"You're Allowed To Write Crap"

I have to keep reminding myself of this, because I forget and then I just keep editing a sentence or two until I'm satisfied with it... and then I'll go away, then come back and edit them again.  Which is ironic really, because I vary wildly between editing until it's as dry as dust, and hammering it out in one big blast, checking for errors and the worst examples of repetition and then booting it out into the wild.

I am allowed to write crap.

Because writing pages and pages of crap is better than having one nicely polished sentence.  There's a lot more you can do with those pages than with that one perfect, isolated line.

I've managed to find things to do instead of writing.  I have a very nice village in Animal Crossing, for instance.  I've listened to all 28 podcast episodes of Welcome to Night Vale (12 hours and 2 minutes), during which no writing could occur because you have to actually listen to them, not do something that'll distract you and mean you need to rewind.  I sketched and inked a fairly rough picture of Kirill (it's not procrastinating if it's drawing the character you're supposed to be writing about, surely).  I've moved pallets around (the big ones, not the painting ones), taken the dogs for a walk, spent time on the treadmill in my desperate bid to lose some weight...

I've just done everything but writing.  And when I do sit in front of my Works document--don't laugh, I've been using it for 16 years now and the only other thing I'm comfortable with is Abiword; I'm well aware that's abnormal--I just edit the last sentence I wrote.

So... this time next week, if I've not written 5,000 words (or, ideally, more), you have permission to hunt me down and give me a quick kick.

No, I won't tell you where I live...  hey, stop planning the trip already!

So if you're struggling too, remember this.  You are allowed to write crap.  Even if it takes ages to do it, even if you've spend 12 hours being distracted by a voice, at some point sit down, stop worrying and start writing.  We can save the editing for later...  and then really go to town on it.

Pinup Boy Sunday - Niko Lunen

Postponed from last week due to certain technical hitches, this Sunday it's the turn of Kirill's love interest, legal owner and unintended rescuer, Nikolai Lunen.

Niko is a 29-year-old engineer, mechanic and alchemist with an affable, if somewhat solitary demeanour.  He lived alone in a small manor in an upmarket part of the city until Kirill came to live with him, and makes a living by working on constructing mechanical and alchemical commissions.

He enjoys reading, working and music (sometimes both at the same time), and enjoys taking care of Kirill.  He dislikes the practice of slavery and isn't quite sure how he ended up with one, although suspects a soft heart is a bad thing to take to an auction.

Kuretake Zig Cocoiro Letter Pen - Follow-Up Post

I wrote about my first impressions of the pretty Cocoiro pens on the 23rd June... not that long ago, in fact.  But since just over a week has passed, I thought a follow-up post might be fun.

Mostly because I loved them so much, I went and bought more (and completed my atyouSpica collection at the same time)!

My preciousssss...

Having managed to lure the always-lovely Danni into trying out the pens too, reading her comments about how the Hoarfrost White case looked made me curious... so I think we can chalk up another victory to her, because it's right there in the photo, along with Kiwi and Sunflower.

I actually would have ordered these sooner, but I had to wait for first the Kiwi, then the Sunflower, to come back into stock at Cult Pens--waited very impatiently, I might add; you don't want to know how many times I refreshed that page even when I knew it was futile (i.e. about six times on Sunday... just in case!).

One thing Danni mentioned was how pretty the Hoarfrost shell looked with the Rose Pink ink inside, so I decided to have a peek and I have to agree.

The white has a subtle sparkle that I completely failed to capture.

I'd initially only planned to get two extra cases to cover the refills I'd bought, but after I used the blue-black to handwrite part of a story and give my writer's block a kick in the groin (moderate success), I became curious about how a black brush nib would perform as an inking pen.

Bad photo; using my scanner would mean a blood sacrifice.

Turns out the answer is "far better than I could've hoped".  They do indeed relax the more you use them and because they're comfortable to hold it's easier to focus on the lines.  It holds up well against a putty eraser (always good) and you can get some good line thicknesses from it--but it really excels at very fine lines without needing to swap to another pen.  I'm really happy with the results.

Now I'm just hoping that Kuretake release the six colours that don't currently seem available in the UK... because how could I possibly resist a choice that includes orange and green??

Kuretake Zig Cocoiro Letter Pen - First Impressions

I normally tweet about new stationery I've been 'encouraged' to buy (I know some truly evil enablers on Twitter!), but when the jiffy bag with my new Cocoiro letter pens arrived, I knew I'd be taking more than one or two photos.  Whittling it down to these was... fun.

The problem with following Cult Pens on Twitter is that it's an incredibly easy route to spending money--particularly where my friends are concerned.  And when Cult Pens tweeted about the Cocoiro pens I was curious enough to and have a look.  I didn't bank on promptly falling in love with either the choice of shell colours or the fact they have mint green and rose pink inks.  After some humming and hawing I finally splurged on two shells in my favourite colours, three brush pen refills and an ever-practical black rollerball refill.

They arrived today in an A5 padded envelope and the first thing that struck me was that they were a little smaller than I was expecting, although to be honest I'm not wholly sure what I was expecting.  From base to cap the shell is around 11.2cm.  I chose shells in Duckegg Blue and Green Apple (neither of which have any justice done to them in my photos as the weather is a bit iffy here and my camera is moody), both of which are lovely.  The blue in particular is a very pretty and delicate shade and I'm already considering buying a couple more to go with my additional refills.

The refills come with their own protective caps which don't fit with the pen once they're combined so can probably be thrown away unless you've got more refills than pens, and a brush protector for the brush pens.  Being the kind of person who doesn't read instructions--which are provided on both the letter pen and refill packets--I did have a short struggle with figuring out how to add refill to shell (I'm bright like that) until I realised the refills have a thread and you screw them into the base.

Once fit together they look both comical and sweet, a little like they've outgrown their refills, but it is a useful way to see what colour is in which pen at a glance, although I don't imagine it helps you tell the difference between the black ballpoint and black brush pen.

With the body shaped as it is you might expect it to feel a little cumbersome to hold, but in reality it's surprisingly comfortable.  The curve of the shell fits neatly in the curve of your thumb, although the edge of the casing at the bottom might rub against your thumb joint if you're not careful.

The first thing that struck me about the brush pens is that they're more solid than I was anticipating.  They'll probably loosen up with use, but it took a moment to get an unbroken line out of the rose pink.  They write with a beautiful and vivid ink with the colours exactly as advertised.

Apologies for my handwriting. Yes that does say 'rose' and not 'nose'!

I'm looking forwards to experimenting with them and I think if I'm not careful they could end up as a guilty pleasure--or an addiction.  All I need to do now is start hand-writing things more often...

Pinup Boy Sunday - Kirill

It was originally going to be "Sexy Boy Sunday" but... really there's no word less appropriate to describe half my characters, so this is what we're stuck with.

Today and nothing to do with procrastination whatsoever it's the turn of the protagonist of the steampunk story I'm working on, Kirill.

Kirill is a quiet and serious young man whose most distinguishing features are the white streak in the front of his hair and the gold scarring covering a large part of his upper face.  At 24 he has the general demeanour of a man twice his age and, until the riots, was living quietly with Nikolai Lunen, his legal owner and best friend.

He likes nice food, the feel of soft fabrics and the sight of Niko's smile; he dislikes people invading his personal space and the cold.  His favourite place to be is curled up in a chair in Niko's conservatory.

This Hasn't Exactly Gone According To Plan

On the 1st July I started Camp NaNoWriMo.  Well, technically I started it.  Just like the title says, it's... not exactly gone according to plan.  Being a naturally seat-of-the-pants writer who carries plotlines in their head rather than in any kind of physical form (incredibly awkward when you forget things), I decided to to take a different approach, and use one of my many notebooks in the process.

I think I'm missing a few here, and yes some are still in their wrapping.

Which was a great idea in theory.  In practice--or at least, in my hands--it was somewhat less so...  It started out well enough, just a short paragraph per section for what was intended to be a novella.

There was a system, honest. Writing in purple seemed like a good idea at the time too.

But the one thing I'm not is brief.  Or tidy.  I've posted about my handwriting a few times on Twitter--mostly that I can't even read it myself on occasions--and it's prone to getting taller and spikier the more tired (or drunk) I am, although the sad irony is that it's when I'm sober that I typo all over the place.  Either way, it somehow got away from me and now I'm left with 17 sides of crabby handwriting that I've got to decipher.

Too many pages... and this is only the last few, where I was mostly making an effort to be legible.

And I'm now also left with the weirdest set of conflicted feelings.

On one hand, this is the first time I've ever finished anything, even if it's badly handwritten and in rambling note form.  That includes ten years' worth of NaNoWriMo projects (I know how some of them end, sure.  I've just never gotten there) and a few side projects.  It's probably the reason why I've been happiest writing a continuing universe in short story form.  So I feel strangely proud, if that makes any sense?

On the other... I've just already written this, and now I have to write it again.  But longer.  With actual dialogue.  And not in purple.

It's the strangest sense of anticlimax.  I wonder if authors who plot everything out in minute detail feel the same way?  The lovely Danni at KenRenStationary/Four Words, Four Worlds did sensibly point out that at least now, even if I don't work on it immediately, I have a complete plot ready to go for when I do, but I'd like to get at least a little done for Camp NaNo even if I don't entirely feel like it...

I've got just over half a month to go, that's got to be good for at least half of it, right?

Right?